


Landslide

by kitty_pryde_bi_pride



Category: She-Ra and the Princesses of Power (2018)
Genre: Abusive Parents, Best Friends, Character Death, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Found Family, Gen, Growing Up Together, Hurt/Comfort, Letters, Modern AU, Non-Graphic Rape/Non-Con, Pansexual Aromantic Character, Physical Abuse, Recovery, finding yourself
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-02
Updated: 2020-08-02
Packaged: 2021-03-06 01:07:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 13,760
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25674820
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kitty_pryde_bi_pride/pseuds/kitty_pryde_bi_pride
Summary: Well, I've been afraid of changin''Cause I've built my life around youBut time makes you bolderEven children get olderAnd I'm getting older too
Relationships: Adora & Catra (She-Ra)
Comments: 4
Kudos: 18





	Landslide

**Author's Note:**

> hi! I've marked this fic as teen+ audiences because it deals with some heavy themes, so here's an extra warning:
> 
> this fic DOES have a brief and non-graphic description of sexual assault that impacts the character for most of the story  
> there IS some homophobic and abusive language spoken by the POV character to herself  
> there ARE some characters who will die in this fic  
> and there IS some pretty violent abusive done by her parents
> 
> please be aware of triggering themes!

When Adora is six years old, a new family moves into the vacant house next door and it’s the most exciting thing to happen in their neighborhood since her dad left, three years prior.

She and her mother – Samantha Weaver, though she has Adora call her ‘Shadow’ because it sounds mysterious – go over the following weekend with offerings: Shadow carries a heavy casserole dish and Adora is lugging a Tupperware of cookies.

Her mother’s grip is tight on her shoulder while they stand there, long nails digging in just a little, and it reminds Adora to keep her posture straight and smile wide.

A little girl her age, with face paint dots on her cheeks and a cat-eared headband, answers the door and Adora is certain they’re going to be fast friends. She turns her nose up at the casserole – Adora can’t blame her, she’d do the same if her mother didn’t make her eat it – but shyly accepts a chocolate chip cookie before her dad walks up to the door.

Their parents start to talk but Adora doesn’t really care about that. She takes her platter of cookies, the new girl’s hand, and runs to the neighborhood playground.

Her new friend is nervous, a little awkward, but laughs when Adora pushes her down the slide and declares they’re now best friends.

\-------

Her new friend is named Catra and her mom doesn’t seem to like her very much.

That’s okay, though; the two of them have wound up in the same first-grade class together. They’ve even managed to become tablemates and recess buddies, and her mother doesn’t have nearly the influence needed to shut that down.

The two are inseparable whenever possible, always looking off each other’s worksheets and sharing the extra fancy art supplies – Adora has glitter everything, glue and markers and crayons; but Catra has glow in the dark stickers and they’re _fantastic_ – and it makes school exponentially more fun than before.

One day, some kid at their table grabs some of Adora’s pencils with the fun erasers and starts snapping them, and Catra grabs what she can before tackling the kid and hitting him. Adora’s a little shocked, frightened at the display of violence – she doesn’t like seeing other kids hurt, it reminds her of herself and makes her chest freeze up – but she thinks she likes having someone looking out for her.

They’re taken to the principal’s office, all three kids, and Adora and Catra clasp tiny hands anxiously while they wait for their instigator to finish speaking with the adults. When they finally do come out, Shadow reaches out for Adora and she lets herself get pulled up before realizing that Catra is left alone on the bench- her father couldn’t leave work suddenly like the other parents could.

Adora latches onto her friend and demands that her mother advocate for them both, so she does. Later that day, Catra pulls her aside during class free time and mutters something about thanks and not leaving her behind.

She laughs and pinky-swears that even if she had left Catra, she’d wait for her to catch up.

During conferences, her teacher tells her mother that Adora is a bright and outgoing young girl who has a great deal of potential, but that she needs to work on branching out beyond Catra- she implies that Catra is the one holding her back.

Their playdates start getting canceled last minute and her teacher rearranges seats so now Adora sits at a table with new kids, Lonnie and Kyle and Rogelio. They’re nice enough and it’s easy for her to make friends, but they’re not the same as Catra.

\-------

Her mother sits her down at the end of the school year, tells her that she’s going to spend most of her time at educational summer camps where she can learn about science and art, and Adora’s only question is if Catra gets to go with her.

The answer is no, and Adora begins to resign herself to a lonely summer filled with people other than her bestie, but then her indescribably amazing friend surprises her by staying up late to spend time together every night that she gets home; drags her to their playground and even exploring a bit of the woods behind it.

Against all odds, the two manage to grow closer despite the forced distance and Adora is unspeakably relieved she hasn’t lost her dearest friend- even if her mother still can’t know about it.

\-------

It’s not always as simple as late-night visits and sneaking out after dark- she’s optimistic, sure, but it was uncharacteristically naïve of Adora to even think this brief paradise could exist for more than a short window.

Her mother finds them the two of them alone and just grabs Adora, yanking her off the ground and pulling her away, and it hurts while Catra yells for her but Adora knows how to take a hit – even this young, her mother has never been kind – so she lets it happen.

Summer camps are canceled and Adora is sequestered inside her own home. She’d say it’s the first time she’s ever been truly terrified of her mother, but seven is old enough to understand that sometimes people just aren’t that good.

After all, her mother calls herself Shadow for more than just aesthetic purposes: she can be scary, sure; but she’s insidious and powerful, gets inside people’s heads – even Adora’s, _especially_ Adora’s – and twists everything up all wrong.

Her mother tells her that Catra is a rule-breaker and the very fact that Adora is sneaking out to see her seems to give credence to the idea, but she keeps doing it regardless.

\-------

Between the two of them, they manage to keep up this hidden system for quite some time: it’s nerve-racking, sneaking out at first, but then days and weeks and months and even years pass without them getting caught.

The two become reckless the same summer they become teenagers – the same time they should’ve been allowed to be thoughtless and free – and it ends up being Catra’s dad who finds them.

He’s worried for them, says that thirteen is too young to be playing in the nearby trees without supervision and calls Adora’s mother to pick up her daughter- he hopes that they have a conversation about respecting boundaries in the future.

Good intentions rarely work out, of course, and anyone who knows anyone in their town should’ve guessed that Shadow would show up angry, in a towering rage, ranting about how her sweet daughter could have never done something like this by herself and that she won’t let her Adora be corrupted any longer—

Catra is resolute and her dad is aghast – he didn’t know, how could he have? – but against her own mother it’s Adora’s reaction that matters and she’s shaking, positively frozen in sheer, unyielding panic.

Shadow tells Adora that they’re leaving at the end of the summer and she can never speak to Catra again, that the girl is bad news and she should really know better than to sully herself with someone so beneath their status, and Adora doesn’t know how to say no.

So she accepts it.

\-------

That should be the end of it all, really.

Would’ve been if Shadow had anything to say about it.

But Catra – her closest friend, the one who has never given up on her and never will – sneaks a note into one of the boxes in their moving van.

Adora doesn’t find it until they’re three states over, but the words are enough to make her cry: _Here’s my email:_[ _catra@gmail.com_](mailto:catra@gmail.com) _. Don’t leave me behind._

\-------

Moving is a long process and Adora isn’t unpacked until a few weeks after starting at her new school, and the message goes unseen so long that Adora is terrified to answer it for a while.

She waits another few days, weeks, and almost willfully forgets about it until a few of her new friends – Glimmer and Bow, two sweet kids that have connections and prestige and are bringing her into a whole new status – ask her why she transferred.

It hits her what she’s done – left behind Catra in more ways than one, never even messaged to make sure everything was alright – and she feels terrible.

That night, she opens up her school email – unmonitored by her mother – and starts her first email:

_Hey, Catra! I hope everything is going well. I’m really sorry it’s taken me this long to message you, but I had to get some thoughts together about adjusting and finding your box took forever! I hope we can keep in touch this way? I’m not leaving anytime soon, by the way, sorry to keep you waiting. Best wishes, Adora._

She hopes Catra hasn’t really waited for her all these months.

\-------

_Hey, Adora,_ her newest email reads and her fingers tremble. She’s frightened of her mother, beyond so really, and this act of defiance will only end horribly for her.

The smart choice would be to focus on the new friends she’s making here, to work on cultivating strong relationships like her mother wants and try to be happy with what’s in front of her.

She keeps reading.

_Things are fine here. Same as always. No worries about the wait- thanks for writing back. I’ll keep in touch as long as you do. And I’m fine with waiting, as long as it’s not forever. -Catra_

It’s fairly matter of fact and abrasive, just like Catra herself, and Adora struggles not to read into every line.

Catra wrote that things are fine – not great, not nice, but fine.

She told her not to worry about taking literal months to send a stupid email and then thanked her for what in retrospect seems like a horrendously inadequate level of effort.

There are no promises from Catra to keep this going, only to reciprocate, and it forces Adora to realize that Catra’s forced the ball firmly into her court to continue their friendship.

And even at the end of it all, Catra echoed the sentiment to wait for one another.

Adora’s not sure what it all means; she wishes desperately she could ask Catra to her face or even over the phone- but she’s not close enough with anyone at her school to trust them to not spread news of a secret phone call, and her mother monitors her own phone fairly closely.

She settles for replying.

_Hey Catra! I’m glad things are alright- same as always sounds boring, but I know you’re great at keeping it fun. The new school adjustment is going great, all things considered, and I’m even starting to make some friends. Their names are Glimmer and Bow, and they’re fantastic. I think you might even like them haha! Keep me updated on how things are going on your end. I’ll always wait for you too. Best, Adora._

\-------

_Hey, Adora._ The reply took a full month, which in comparison to the two days she waited after the initial email is a bit jarring. She had been worried that Catra just wasn’t going to respond anymore, and it eases some unknown tension that she finally has.

_Keeping things fun is certainly a description for what I’m doing. Pretty sure Lonnie, Rogelio, and Kyle find me more grating than fun. Can’t complain though. Sounds like you can’t either. New friends, huh? -Catra_

Adora snorts when she reads the email. And at least it seems like Catra is a little happy, at least adjusting to a smaller group now that she has left- Lonnie especially always gave her friend a hard time, but the two are so similar that she’s positive they’d get along brilliantly if they really tried.

And she’s delighted that Catra has expressed interest in her friends- Adora had been afraid that she’d feel insulted or left behind, but it seems they’re both on the same page.

She begins her reply promptly.

_Hey, Catra! I’m glad you guys are getting along- I had been a little worried finding a balance would be hard, but I knew you all could do it. Hopefully fun means good things of course :) And I’m always delighted to make new friends, you know that! Glimmer is really smart with science, you know I was always awful at that, and Bow does all these cool extracurriculars he’s making me join. Let me know how the group is dealing with my not being there! Hope you’re doing well, Adora._

\-------

_Hey, Adora. Glad you’re making friends. Extracurriculars sound cool. You’ll have to tell me more about them. Everyone’s fine. Kind of the same without you. New groups a little, I guess, with high school. Classes are getting busier. Might take longer to reply sometimes. -Catra_

It’s the longest email she’s sent so far and it’s still so…vague.

And it’s fine that everyone’s doing well – it’s great, even; that’s what Adora had hoped for, when she asked how the group had been adjusting without her – but she hadn’t thought her presence would be negligible.

Classes getting busy is a lame excuse if Adora’s ever heard one. She’s been in that town, she knows how easy classes can be and how smart Catra is, and if her friend had wanted to reply more often, she would. Besides, Catra barely responds monthly as is.

It hurts, more than Adora thought it should, but she’s got newer and cooler friends who she actually gets to see, and who her mother approves of, and who respond back when she reaches out to them with more than just a couple of short sentences –

Adora throws herself into her schoolwork and new friends, neglects sending one of her usual next day replies, and thinks that Catra deserves it for being abrasive- even though she knows how Catra is, and normally would’ve found the grace to work it out, or even meet her halfway.

She becomes an integral part of the Glimmer-Bow duo; together they rise to the top of the honor roll, join as many extracurriculars as they can – Adora sticks to ones with Bow, for the most part, she doesn’t quite feel comfortable being on her own still – and they develop a strong network of friends.

Mermista and Seahawk are fantastic and awesome, and they begrudgingly accept Adora into their group as well. Frosta wants to be best friends with Glimmer and hangs off her every word. Netossa and Spinnerella are mature, a full year older, and seem above high school drama, but they think Adora and Bow are similarly relaxed and accept them easily. Perfuma thinks Adora and Bow are nice and they join the gardening club together.

Her new friends are amazing, a larger group than she could’ve hoped for, and it’s easy to busy herself with her new life.

In fact, she manages to spend so much time at school and at her friend’s houses that she barely even has to see her mother- she feels markedly lighter with the absence of her Shadow.

_Hey, Catra! I guess it’s been a while- looks like I got busy too, haha! Extracurriculars are fantastic, but they’re taking up all my time. Glimmer and I mostly hang out during class, but we’ve both joined student council and get to make decisions for school things! Bow and I don’t have a lot of classes together – he’s a total genius, STEM-wise, and doesn’t bother with all the humanity classes like Glimmer and I do – but we’ve joined like, half of the school’s clubs, I think. Seriously: we’re in archery, gardening, baking, arts and crafts, and band together! He even managed to convince Shadow to let me sign up for self-defense classes- we never thought that could work. And my friends Mermista and Seahawk (they’re like the coolest people ever, you’d love them!) convinced me to join swim team. We’ve all got plans to hang out over the summer, too, and Shadow is letting me avoid camps if I keep busy. Can’t wait to hear back, Adora._

It reads more like a status update than continuation of a conversation, but Adora doesn’t care. Catra told her that she hadn’t been missed at all in their school, so she shouldn’t have missed Adora for the months it took her to respond.

Besides, she’s been busy with people who care about her and would be upset if she had to suddenly leave, and it makes sense she’d focus on them.

She doesn’t owe Catra anything.

\-------

Catra doesn’t respond for the entirety of the summer and it doesn’t even matter.

Her new school is private and Adora is there on scholarship, but her friends aren’t and they take her on all kinds of exciting trips.

She and Perfuma spend two weeks volunteering to build a new community garden, and Adora feels like she’s done something good.

Mermista and Seahawk take her on a week-long outing to Mermista’s summer lakehouse, and they spend it swimming, drinking, and boating. Adora feels more relaxed, safer than she has in a while.

Glimmer and Bow take her to a big city – a startling change from the small town she grew up in and the elite upper-class community she thrives in now – and Adora gets to stay, free of charge, for an entire month.

They spend each day exploring and leaving their work behind, and Adora is drawn in by the adventure, the adrenaline with feeling like she could take on the world.

She feels so safe that one day, towards the end of the trip when Glimmer and Bow protest getting up because they’re too tired, she heads out on her own to go shopping.

She’s walking down a less-populated street, earbuds in and humming happily, and so she doesn’t even notice how empty it’s gotten. She’s spaced out to her surroundings until she notices a man walking towards her, head down and hood up, and she veers off to get around him, ignoring him.

He follows and her heartbeat quickens.

She tries to step away again, but he follows, and now she’s managed to veer so far that she’s still stuck all alone in this empty street and she’s against the side of a concrete building and then he’s reached her –

He grabs her, pushes her against the wall, and gropes her. His hands are painful against her chest and between her legs and he whispers in her ear that she’s pretty and she tries to think of anything from her and Bow’s self-defense classes, but her mind is blank and her body is frozen.

He walks away suddenly, it’s over quickly, and her knees are shaking but she walks the other way.

She goes back to the hotel and laughs when Glimmer and Bow ask how her excursion went- she tells them it was fun, and shows them the things she bought.

It’s not until they go to sleep that she takes a shower and collapses in the tub, scrubbing her skin furiously while fighting back tears.

She checks her phone and sees an email.

_Hey, Adora. Glad you’re happy, at least. Thanks for rubbing it in or whatever. Bet you had a better summer than I did. Sounds like you’re real involved with things. Are things really going well with Shadow? You don’t have to answer that. -Catra_

Adora shakes, still alone in the dark of their hotel room, and tries to steady her breathing.

She’s worried about her friend; her emails have been so consistently non-committal that there’s no way anything good has been going on. She really doesn’t even know, though, and neither of them have been sending negative things in their emails.

Adora certainly hasn’t been mentioning the way Shadow speaks to her, the way she pushes Adora out of her way when she’s angry or how she constantly comments on how she could always be doing more- but those things are hard to talk about in an email.

Catra deserves to be angry with her – she had been awful to her, ignoring her and then treating her like an obligation, she doesn’t even know how Catra’s been doing – but her first friend is the only one who knows how horrendous Shadow is, and she knows that Catra is the only person who would know how to comfort her about this horrible thing that just happened.

Glimmer and Bow would support her, any of her new friends would to be honest, but she doesn’t know how to even broach the topic. It would’ve been easy with Catra.

_Hey, Catra! Things are – what would you say? – the same as always with my mother. No need to worry about it; it’s under control. I know it’s the end of summer, but I do hope you had a good one! Tell me what class you’re most excited for this year. Hanging in there, Adora._

\-------

_Hey, Adora. Sounds like things with Shadow suck. Feel free to message me or whatever if you need something. I’ll try to respond fast or whatever. Talk to your new friends. Don’t try to handle it yourself. Or do, I’m not your keeper. I’m excited for AP Biology. Same teacher as AP Environmental Science, but he’s cool. Should be interesting to have two science classes this year. Don’t be a stranger. -Catra_

Adora is tough and knows how to take down an opponent twice her size without breaking a sweat – she and Bow have become totally badass at their studio – but she doesn’t even raise her fists when her mother starts hitting her again, just like when she was little.

Swim season starts in the winter and her mother seems angry that she can only hit Adora on her torso to avoid marks, and Adora avoids undressing in front of her friends at sleepovers or locker rooms.

She flinches when people come up behind her or touch her unexpectedly and she always laughs to brush it off as a mixture of surprise and quick reflexes.

She thinks she should talk to someone about the thing that happened this summer – she doesn’t know what to call it, this ‘ _big city incident_ ’, she can’t describe it as assault because that’s something horrible and what happened to her barely lasted a minute – but it’s hard.

Her new friends are great but it’s becoming clear that they don’t know Adora behind her cheery façade, and she feels horribly lonely.

Time passes quickly and she waits until Valentine’s Day to message Catra back.

_Hey, Catra! Like I said, don’t worry about my mother. She’s doing her best, just like we all are! All those science sound cool, but demanding. I’m in Chemistry myself, and I’m losing my mind trying to keep up- I’m in two history classes, Spanish, and English for my fun classes. Go humanities! Meet anyone cool? Sending love, Adora._

\-------

_Hey, Adora. Sounds like things still suck with Shadow. Yikes. And you’ve always been a humanities kid- better take psychology, embrace some soft sciences. There are two new transfer students that are cool. Scorpia and Entrapta. You’d like them, I think. Let me know if things get bad. -Catra_

How can Adora ask for help when she doesn’t even know what she’d be asking for?

She has nightmares more often than not – of her mother criticizing her, of failing, of some stranger coming up and grabbing her – and wakes up, covered in sweat and paralyzed, just as tired as when she went to bed.

Coffee is her new best friend and she does her homework rather than sleep, throwing herself into anything and everything she can to make it all go away.

Her mother tells her that she’s horrible and will never live up to all the sacrifices she’s made, and Adora knows she’s right. Her mother tells her that she’s horribly ugly and Adora thinks no, that’s not true, a stranger thought I was pretty. Her whole being seizes and she wonders when she started equating that ‘big city thing’ with her self-worth.

She makes it through the end of the school year but Glimmer and Bow throw a big party, inviting most of their grade, and Hordak – some punk who’s had a weird crush on Adora since she transferred to their school, harmless but pushy – corners her and tries to kiss her.

She throws back a huge swig of a bottle of liquor in front of everybody and drags him upstairs to Glimmer’s room. She sleeps with him and thinks, thank god I’ve finally lost my virginity.

The next day she wakes up alone and her friends left and it’s just Glimmer, quietly handing her a bottle of water and paper cup of painkillers and asking if she’s alright.

Adora laughs in her face and says of course.

Her friends don’t invite her on any big trips this summer and she’s trapped alone with her mother, who arbitrarily takes away her phone and computer and access to the outside world.

She emails Catra back on the first day of the new school year and breathes deep despite the sharp pains in her ribs and barely hidden limp.

_Hey, Catra! Sorry for the late reply- my mother decided to take my electronics for a few months, but what can you do? It’s awesome you’re making good friends- you’ll have to send me their social media so I can say hi to them! And I actually did sign up for AP Psychology, this year, so I’m sure you’re impressed. Still here, Adora._

\-------

_Hey Adora. Let me know how psych goes. I bet it’s lame, but you’ll have fun with it. I’m including their socials in the bottom of the email, so feel free to follow if you want. They’re chill with it. That thing with your mom sounds scary. You should really talk to Bow or Glimmer or Mermista or someone about that. Hopefully they know already. You’re not really subtle. -Catra_

News of what happened at the party a few months ago seems to have spread and Adora – newly seventeen, just beginning her junior year – decides to roll with it.

Boys approach her – some girls, too – and Adora decides she’s open for business.

Her friends are tentative around her; Frosta has iced her out entirely and by the suspicious looks Glimmer has been giving her, she’s not been quiet about her thoughts.

Perfuma is too kind to handle and still makes time for Adora, but even she seems put off by her uncharacteristic nerves and withdrawn attitude.

Mermista and Seahawk are as into their relationship as ever, and don’t seem to be able to make time to reach out to Adora to make sure she’s doing alright- if she doesn’t make the effort, she’s off their radar.

Netossa and Spinnerella plan study dates with her, are ready to put in the effort to make sure Adora is doing okay, but they’re just not close enough to her to ask the big questions.

Bow is still there, a constant source of support, but Glimmer is pulling him away more and more often and Adora doesn’t have the confidence left to ask him to stay. They’re in classes and clubs together, but she still has to go home every night and face her mother.

The only times she doesn’t have to sleep at her house are when she’s sleeping with other people, and she already knows that other people telling her she’s attractive makes her feel incredible – just like the ‘big city thing’, the incident she still hasn’t mentioned to a single soul – and she ignores the worried looks her bed partners give her when they see the varying shades of dark bruises littering her body.

They don’t talk about it. They don’t really talk at all.

She’s still at the top of the honor roll, of course; there’s a shocking number of hours in the day when you just don’t sleep.

No one seems to care and Adora decides it’s fine. She won’t either.

_Hey Catra! I have gone and followed your friends- not in a creepy way, I promise! The changing of seasons always seems to be when I contact you the most- summer and winter. Fall and Spring just feel so busy during the school year, I suppose. And there’s a lot of things I could say to these friends but won’t- they don’t know about my mother and they’re not going to. That’s fine. Doing fine, Adora._

\-------

That same winter, everything goes to hell.

Glimmer and Adora aren’t speaking, but Glimmer tells her mom about Adora’s erratic behavior, about her sleeping around, and her mom tells Adora’s mom and it’s the first time Adora has ever been genuinely terrified.

She thinks she’s going to die and is almost disappointed when she doesn’t.

As it is, her mother accidentally gives her a black eye and split lip in her anger and Adora is forced to stay home a full week until the swelling is gone and the discoloration can be covered with make-up.

She runs into Glimmer, who comes right up to her – Bo stands behind her, looking apprehensive and apologetic – and says she hoped her mother whipped her into shape so she can stop this behavior.

Adora sees red and even if Glimmer doesn’t know what she’s saying, doesn’t know the implications her words have—

Everything just hurts so much and Adora is so very tired. She knows Glimmer means well, is so stubborn and direct that she couldn’t fathom something is going on beyond Adora’s peppy honor roll cover, and has no idea what she said.

She doesn’t say this though- she tells Glimmer and Bo to get out of her life, that she doesn’t need any fake friends who go behind her back and get their parents involved. She walks away from them, and they don’t follow.

She fucks someone in the school bathroom and he calls her pretty and she feels secure.

When she goes to swim practice, she silently does her laps and relishes the burn in her still-sore muscles. She stays after to do some extra laps, make up for what she missed while she was out sick, and thinks the locker room will be empty since everyone else left a few hours ago.

She starts taking off her swimsuit and hears someone gasp, and realizes she was terribly wrong.

Mermista is standing behind her, had been grabbing something out of her locker, and is staring horrified at the bruises and dark red marks marring Adora’s back.

There’s nothing to say and Adora silently steps into a bathroom stall to finish changing, waiting an extra few minutes to make sure Mermista will have left by the time she’s done.

To Adora’s shock, she’s still waiting there, sitting on a bench with her phone out. Mermista’s eyes snap up to hers when she hears her come out, and she tells Adora that she’ll stay at Seahawk’s house tonight. They’re doing a self-care sleepover.

Seahawk is waiting outside in his car to pick them both up, and he doesn’t comment about the tears in Adora’s eyes from the backseat or the stiffness in Mermista’s posture as she watches their guest in the mirror.

That night, Adora tells them about almost everything – her mother, the insidious emotional abuse and terrifying physical violence she’s suffered quietly for years– and it helps. She even tells them about Catra, and it really makes things feel better.

Something stops her before she tells them about the ‘big city incident’ that left her seemingly unable to understand a healthy relationship with sex; but she decides it’s not worth bringing up. She doesn’t want to seem overly dramatic or whiny.

The three of them work out a plan: they’ve almost finished their junior year, and Adora will be eighteen once the summer is over. She will sleepover at Mermista and Seahawk’s respective houses – Perfuma’s too, maybe even Bow’s if he seems willing to forgive her – as much as possible until her birthday comes, at which point she’ll move out completely to live with her friends all the time.

It’s a bit of security, a bit of progress in the sea of pain she’s been enduring for so long, and she goes to school the next day, her smile just a little wider and more genuine.

Things are finally working again.

\-------

_Hey Adora. Guess we really do contact each other twice a year. Better than not at all, I guess. I feel like we get a lot of big updates. Done any college apps? My dad’s gone crazy about them. Scorpia and Entrapta are good. Made me join a computer club and I’m kind of good at it, so that’s fun. Let me know if I can help with Shadow. -Catra_

At some point, Catra’s emails went from a mark of stress and uncertainty to a guarantee of friendship and support outside of Adora’s myriad of problems.

And Adora’s doing better.

She doesn’t have the same friends – the distance between her and Glimmer; her and Frosta as an unfortunate side effect seems uncrossable – but just because things have shifted doesn’t mean they’re not still there.

Perfuma is still there, aggressively supportive and loving whenever Adora sees her, and the gardening club is one of her few respites from pain to just create.

She’s formed a group chat with Entrapta, Scorpia and Catra, and its superficial and easy. She and Catra talk more, now.

Mermista and Seahawk still swim with her and invite her over as much as they can – they’re quiet pillars of support, blunt and abrasive about it but never faltering, and Adora never accepted this much kindness from them – and they invite Adora to sleep with them, sometimes. She says yes, and doesn’t tell them about the ‘big city incident’.

Netossa and Spinnerella have almost graduated but are still making time for Adora. One day, in the last few weeks of school, they sit Adora down and ask if she’s alright. Adora cries, and they open their home to her as well.

Her mother barely notices her absence, but hurts her all the same the few nights she’s there.

Even Bow has stayed in all their clubs together, and even if things are a little stilted whenever he tries to mention Glimmer and ask if Adora’s alright, it works as well as could be expected.

She’s talked to those who matter; Mermista and Seahawk, Netossa and Spinnerella; has let them know that she’s going to be MIA until her birthday. They’re angry, but she needs to do this.

The school year ends – Adora is still seventeen, if only barely – and she packs her bags anyways and sets out.

_Hey Catra! Don’t be worried if you don’t hear from me for a bit- I’m traveling a bit this summer, so to speak, and might have trouble charging my phone. I’m hopefully going to be doing some college apps this summer, but I’ll probably end up visiting a few I’m interested in. It’s not the most helpful to see them while they’re empty, but I’ll take what I can get! Talk to you in the fall, Adora._

\-------

Adora disappears for three months and it’s the freest she’s ever felt. She goes and applies for a job in the next state over, a crappy part-time one that pays almost nothing, and then she applies for another one and then she’s surviving and busy and it’s peaceful.

She works a fast food job, working the register and grill whenever needed, and also works at a local grocery store. She volunteers at the local library, and it’s a small enough town that between these three places she’s easily becoming established in the area.

Her bosses are kind: Madame Razz seems to be some kind of megalomaniac business entrepreneur in the town, so she owns both the grocery store and restaurant Adora works at; but Mara owns the library.

No one knows who she is – the rumors surrounding her, the tragedy of her life – and she embraces being the town enigma.

Madame Razz is more than a little terrifying to speak to but seems to have a soft spot for Adora, and is the one who directed her towards the library. Mara is a sweetheart and everyone knows it, but sits with Adora while she does independent studies and practices her Spanish.

She gets access to all the books and learning she could want; gets discounts on meals and groceries from her workplaces, and she even manages to build up some savings in addition to rent.

It’s the closest thing to being an adult a seventeen could achieve.

She left her phone behind at home – best to leave her mother’s property with her, to make sure she has no real claim over Adora – but she has access to the library’s computers, so she sees the emails she misses.

_Girl. We’re worried about you. I know you said you’d be gone, but it’s like you disappeared without a trace on the last day of school. We haven’t gone to your mother with anything, obviously, but Seahawk and I are freaking out. Come back when you can- you’ve got a place with us still whenever you want it._

_Adora! It’s Perfuma. I’m really worried about you – it’s not like you to miss gardening club and volunteer hours, and no one knows where you went. I feel like some people know more than they’re admitting, but the whole towns freaking out. Bow and I have dedicated a pot to your safe return! Please tell me you’re okay?_

_Kiddo, We know we said you weren’t a kid but you’re really acting like it. You can make your own decisions, but this is mean to all your friends- those two flower power pals of yours are losing it. You should’ve told someone what you were doing before you left. Anyways, you’re still welcome to crash with me and Ella if you need it- here’s a picture of our apartment. We’re going to college in the city._

_Adora…I am really worried about you. We’ve been distant this past year, and I think a lot of that’s on me, but it’s also on you. I just really hope you’re okay. Everyone at school has been too: baking club is throwing a bake sale fundraiser to increase awareness, and I think arts and crafts might do the same thing. Marching band and summer archery practice are awkward without you- everyone seems a little off kilter. I really, truly hope you’re alright and have a good reason for doing this. Don’t forget, you still have friends here. – Bow_

_Hi Adora, it’s Glimmer, the ex-friend you screamed at. I wanted to sit down and write a heartfelt email like everyone else, reaching out and asking why you left, but I don’t think you deserve it. You just left and for no reason? Everyone’s freaking out – Bow and Perfuma are doing stuff to try and look for you all the time, but Mermista and Seahawk and Netossa and Spinnerella seem unconcerned which makes me think you’re doing this on purpose. I’m glad we’re not friends anymore. I don’t think there’s any justification for this. I don’t care if you stay gone or not._

_Hey, Adora. You okay? You let me know you were leaving, so I know all this was planned, but there’s some news articles about you. I’ve added Mermista and Netossa to our group chat and they don’t know anything either, which worries me. I guess I hope your college visit stuff is going alright? Good luck, I mean it. Catra._

Adora reads every email, multiple times, sometimes shows them to Mara when she needs to cry. Her boss takes her home, makes her a cup of burning hot tea and lets her sleep on her couch for the night – and holy shit, Mara and Madame Razz live together? – and it helps.

Adora’s not alone, no matter where she goes.

She still doesn’t respond for the rest of the summer.

There’s nothing from her mother.

\-------

Adora shows back up on the first day of school, wearing a brand-new wardrobe with Mara and Madame Razz’s numbers saved in her brand-new phone, all paid for by her two jobs.

People look at her, watch her go down the halls, but she’s used to being somewhat the center of attention by now and ignores it.

Mermista and Seahawk flank her during what classes they can, and Perfuma and Bow seek her out in the few classes they have together. They’re all clearly curious what went on, and Adora’s made promises to the first two to clue them in that night when she stays with them, but she’s not going to say anything at school.

Glimmer and her still have most classes together, and Adora can feel her old friend glaring at her throughout the day. She ignores it as best she can.

The night before, she showed up at Netossa and Spinnerella’s place, stayed the night and dropped her stuff off with them, and so they wait for her at the end of the day, like proud parents.

She’s on her way to their car when Glimmer and Frosta stop her, practically spitting, and Glimmer demands to know where she went and why she left.

Adora’s about to answer – Glimmer means well, even if it’s misguided, and it’s really not her friends’ fault that Adora keeps this many secrets – when her mother of all people shows up on school grounds and grabs Adora by the arm, nails digging in.

Glimmer watches Adora blanch pale white, sees her posture stiffen and eyes close tight, and it’s immediately clear that somethings wrong. Shadow’s grip is too tight in public, her normally perfectly composed smile and appearance is tilted, and Adora can tell the moment realization sets into Glimmer’s eyes.

Glimmer’s overcome by visible horror and panic, but Frosta hasn’t gotten it yet and laughs and tells Shadow to get her daughter in line, and it’s too similar to the words Glimmer used right after her mother really hurt her and Adora thought she was going to die—

Her breath is coming quick and Glimmer and Frosta are frozen as Shadow laughs, agrees that Adora needs some discipline but is so worthless she’s not really worth it.

Adora looks at Glimmer in the eyes in complete and all-encompassing terror as Shadow digs her nails in deeper and starts to wrench Adora along with her, but before anything else happens she sees Spinerella run around the corner and stalk towards them.

Shadow drops her grip, Spinerella takes her hand gently instead, and she’s guided out to the car where Netossa waits behind the wheel, tapping her fingers anxiously.

Adora gets into the car silently and avoids Glimmer’s eyes from where she’s followed them to the curb. She meets up with Mermista and Seahawk and gives them the cliffnotes of her summer – working a few jobs, learning a language, meeting Madame Razz and Mara – then they sleep together.

It feels like nothings changed, and Adora tries to relax back into life now that she’s in the same city as her mother.

_Hey, Catra! Thanks for emailing me over the summer- I know I left pretty abruptly, I just hoped that the warning would prevent you from getting scared. I just couldn’t stay in town with my mom until I was an adult and could leave easily. It’s all okay now: I’m staying with some good friends and I hope she’s gotten the message to stay away. My summer was good- I built up some savings. How was yours? I missed you, Adora._

\-------

_Hey Adora. You’re not getting off that easily- that was quite the stunt you pulled. Glad you’re alright and all that, but don’t pull something like that again. My summer was good. Entrapta and I built computers and Scorpia took up both vacationing with her. It was cool. I think I like big cities, how about you? Catra._

The next day at school, Glimmer tried to approach Adora during their classes, but Mermista and Seahawk formed a protective barricade around her, skipping their own classes to stick with Adora.

Her old friend waited for her chance all day, finally getting it when Mermista had to go to the restroom and Seahawk – adorably codependent, as was his MO – followed her. Glimmer walked right up to her, an uncertain looking Frosta right behind her, and the apology was clear on her face.

Adora smiled and told her it wasn’t necessary, but that they didn’t need to talk about it. She walked away – it hurt, Glimmer was a fantastic and brilliant person that she missed terribly – but the two girls had too much space and weird history between them.

Things were still stretched, but there was some form of understanding between them now and even if they never regained their close friendship from a few years before, Adora looked forward to an amicable acquaintance. People don’t have enough of those.

_Hey, Catra! I think I just got into my college of choice and wanted to let you know right away: Princess Alliance University! I am absurdly excited by this. I got a scholarship and everything! Plus, Seahawk, Mermista and Perfuma will be there too! This is a lot of exclamation points, which I know you hate, but I think you’ll understand this! I know a lot of people don’t find out till April, but that’s only a month away and I was wondering if you knew about your school yet? Unbelievably happy, Adora._

\-------

_Hey Adora. Glad you’re excited. I got into Horde State University- got a big science scholarship too. Entrapta’s going too. I think Scorpia is going to PAU too, so that’s cool for you guys. I can’t wait to leave this town behind. Here’s one exclamation point since I know this is a big deal for us both! Can’t believe I did that. -Catra_

With her mother mostly out of the picture, Adora sails through her senior year with brilliant ease. She’s taking almost all advanced classes, and is still involved in each of her extra curriculars- she was surprised and excited that they actually had arranged things like bake sales and craft shows during her absence in honor of her, and it makes her feel loved.

She splits her nights between Netossa and Spinnerella – _call us Nettie and Ella, we insist_ – and Mermista and Seahawk, so she doesn’t need to stay the night with the people she sleeps with anymore.

It doesn’t stop her from shacking up with people in the school and she hooks up with Mermista and Seahawk quite a few times, but no one calls her on it anymore.

It helps her feel better about herself – loved, just like her friends do – and she’s unwilling to take any criticism about it.

There had been a time when she hadn’t even been certain she’d make it to college and it almost feels surreal that she’s made it here now, but Adora’s not one to question her blessings.

Even Madame Razz and Mara continue reaching out to her and she calls them once a week, just to catch up and hear how the town is doing.

She enjoys every last moment of high school that she can, savoring it now that the end is in sight, and sometimes she feels like she never wants to grow up. Hope is amazing and warm and so very rare, something she hasn’t felt in a while, and she holds onto the feeling tightly.

_Hey, Catra! I can’t wait to meet Scorpia in person. Could be a good excuse for us to meet up? I hope you’re having a great summer! I got to do some volunteer work with Perfuma, of course, but I mostly just chilled with Mermista and Seahawk. My friend Ella’s dad works at this local store and I’ve been working the register just to save up some extra cash. I’m so excited to move out of this town and physically get away from Shadow! Love, Adora._

\-------

_Hey Adora. I can’t wait to get out of here either. My dad’s helping me get all my stuff packed up and ready to go, and Entrapta and I are going to be roommates. I’m majoring in Computer Science and Software Engineering, which should be cool. Let me know what you’re doing. -Catra_

Adora packs her bags, moves out of state with her friends, and leaves her life behind easily. She’s ready for a new beginning.

She makes plans and promises to continue her weekly calls to Mara and Madame Razz – the former because she’s a sweetheart and makes Adora feel appreciated; the latter because Adora is terrified of her and wants to stay on her good side – and she starts setting up video calls with Netossa and Spinnerella to stay in touch now that she’s not living with them anymore.

Perfuma, Mermista and Seahawk won’t be sharing a room with her, but they’re all in the same same dorm hallway. It’s the perfect chance to stay close with her loved ones while still meeting new people.

During orientation week, Adora signs up for her first semester classes – Spanish Literature, Intro to Psychology, Growth of Civilizations, and Making a Monster – and signs up for a few clubs – she joins a Gardening and Community Service based club with Perfuma, swim team with Mermista, and arts and crafts with Seahawk, as well as a student leadership organization for herself – to stay busy.

She meets her roommate, a sarcastic and funny girl named Drew who immediately asks Adora to call her ‘Double Trouble’, and seems interested in joining the same student council as Adora- something about learning to manipulate the masses. Her dorm’s RA, a ridiculously buff girl named Huntara, goes to a self-defense club and works out at the same gym as Adora, and they start hanging out together before and after classes.

Scorpia gets along pretty well with Adora – which she expected, given how well they’d interacted in the group chat – and she ends up going to the gym along with Adora and Huntara.

All in all, Adora has seamlessly managed to integrate herself into a new life, while still holding onto people she cares about from before.

_Hey, Catra! First few weeks of dorm living have gone by, and surprisingly enough, it’s not too hard! I’ve made some new friends – you’d like them, they’re pretty cool. And Scorpia is fantastic! We’re workout buddies, but it’s a good thing I’m not that into weight-lifting- pretty sure she could bench press me. I’m mostly some mixed martial arts and self-defense, and cardio training. Plus swim team! I may a little too busy. And I’ve already slept with half my dorm, of course, but what else could be expected? Hope your time is going well, too! Adora._

\-------

_Hey Adora. Slept with half your dorm already, what does that mean? Let me know if you’re still in all those clubs now that we’re starting the second semester. Might be good to relax. -Catra_

Adora lasted one week before hooking up with Double Trouble, and the convenience of being roommates leads her to make it a habit. It’s a little over a month before she does the same with Huntara, and while the older girl seems to have actual feelings Adora does her best to emphasize she’s just interested in friends with benefits.

She’s still sleeping with Mermista and Seahawk fairly often too, and all her friends seem a little confused by it: Double Trouble thinks it’s funny, Huntara wants her to commit, and the ever-present combination of Mermista and Seahawk seem concerned about the ongoing nature of her promiscuity.

Perfuma, her closest friend that she hasn’t slept with, seems worried as well- she tells Adora that none of them really understand it, but that they’ll support her as long as she’s certain it’s healthy. Adora’s pretty sure if they knew what prompted it they’d take back their approval, but it’s slowly become more of a hobby and way to expand friendships than a vice.

Worst of all, Adora accidentally let it slip in her last email to Catra that she had been sleeping around. She’s been doing it so long that she forgot who hadn’t known about it yet, and it’s out of character enough that her old friend is likely to be concerned.

She’s worried her friend’s reaction will be bad, and as a result she’s waited till the summer after her first year to even think about responding.

On the other hand, this could be the perfect opportunity to let someone she cares about know about that incident from a few years before- she doesn’t think she can admit what happened out loud yet, but through an email it could be possible.

_Hey, Catra! I’ve stayed caught up on all my activities, shockingly enough, but I’ve been pretty crazily busy- it’s exhausting more often than not! And I’ve been hooking up with my RA, roommate, and a few friends from high school pretty regularly, plus a few one-night stands. I kind of got assaulted and started sleeping around a few years ago, but I think it’s just a part of my life now? I’m not sure, I haven’t really discussed it too deeply with anyone else. Just wanted to know what you thought, I guess? Don’t worry about responding about this specifically if you don’t want to, it’s not a big deal! Hope you’re having a great summer, Adora!_

\-------

_Hey Adora. Glad you’re having fun. I’m down to discuss the sleeping around thing if you’d like. Not sure if I’ll relate, but I’ll try my best. If it helps, I’m a lesbian. Equal exchange of information or whatever. Feel free to write back whenever, I’d be happy to try and talk to you more. -Catra_

Her friend’s easy acceptance – a simple acknowledge of what happened, no questions asked or judgment over her promiscuity – makes Adora’s breath come easier.

It’s funny, how she didn’t even realize there was a weight bearing down on her until it was gone.

She writes Catra back within the week, as soon as her finals are over and the summer begins, and they spend the rest of the summer in frequent communication.

_Hey Catra! Thank you for coming out to me- it wasn’t necessary, but I appreciate it all the same and want you to know I support you! You’ll have to let me know if you ever want to chat about it. And thank you for offering to talk- I think it might help. To start with, let’s talk about who I’ve been sleeping around with: my repeat partners are my roommate, RA, and two of my best friends from high school who are in a long-term committed relationship themselves. I’m still staying with the two friends this summer, so we’re still hooking up regularly and everything. I’m in contact with my roommate and RA, and they’re both aware I have multiple partners, but I haven’t seen them in-person since the school year ended. Those are the basics of the situation, I think. Looking forward to hearing back soon! Thank you, Adora._

She’s used to waiting weeks, even months for a reply, but Catra replies within the week.

_Hey Adora. It seems good that everyone’s aware of the situation, so it’s not like you’re doing anything wrong. I’ve joined this club with Entrapta, an LGBTQ+ type organization, and I’ve been learning a lot more about my identity and others. Sounds like you might be poly, if you’re having that many relationships. Definitely seems like you’re not just straight, if you’ve got multiple male and female partners. Entrapta is aro-ace, she gave me permission to tell you that, and I can ask her about not strictly heteronormative relationships. Again, definitely doesn’t seem like you’re ace. It seems like you feel kind of bad for sleeping around. Want to unpack that? – Catra_

It's nice to know that despite the years of distance, Catra seems to just get her on a deep level- her friend hasn’t let her bullshit her feelings about her arrangements, and has bluntly cut to the core of her worry about it in a way that’s so distinctly her that it makes Adora miss growing up with her.

It makes it easy to respond just as promptly.

_Hey Catra! For my feeling a little bad about sleeping around, I think that’s on the nose? I know it’s not wrong, everyone is aware and okay with it, but I still feel unfaithful, I guess. My roommate - she’s got a stupid nickname, but we can call her Drew – and friends, Seahawk and Mermista, are both okay with no-strings-attached sex. Drew is really not looking for a relationship, and the other two are committed to each other so they’re alright with it being physically casual with me. It’s Huntara, my RA, that I feel bad about – she knows I get around, and she’s said she’s alright with it, but I think she wants me to commit to just her- I really just want friends-with-benefits with people, though, I think. It’s kind of weird. I don’t know, what do you think about it? Please help, Adora._

Just voicing her worries – the feelings of guilt she’s left ignored for months – makes Adora feel calmer. The lingering edge of panic when she calls Huntara, the feeling of shame when she sends Double Trouble lewd photos or goes to bed with Seahawk and Mermista right after, it all seems less now that it’s out there.

Her friend won’t hate her for her perceived faults, will tell her if she’s wrong or not without judgment, and this allows Adora to exist calmly.

_Hey Adora. That seems like a tricky situation, but I don’t think you’re in the wrong. It seems like your RA knows the deal and decided to be with you anyways, not your fault if she’s decided she’s unhappy. Might be good to stay just friends with her, if you want things to end amicably. The other two situations seem like they’ll be okay to maintain. Makes sense you’re stressed though. Are you really not comfortable at all with relationships? – Catra_

These kinds of blunt questions are par for course with Catra, but that last sentence of the email – are you really not comfortable at all with relationships? – refuses to leave Adora’s mind.

The easy answer is of course not, it’s what she’s always been told, but Adora doesn’t think that’s right.

She doesn’t know what she feels, though.

She takes a full two weeks to think it over, trying to explain how she feels as clearly as possible, but it’s still a mess of feelings and emotion.

_Hey Catra! I’m not…exactly sure how to answer that question. I love my friends, I’m really very close with a lot of them, but I don’t want to date them, I guess? Like take Seahawk and Mermista: I love those two, I live with them, and I’ve slept with them. I just don’t want to be dating them? Even though it kind of feels like I already am? Huntara asked me out while FaceTiming and I told her I wasn’t sure, but I think she saw that it was going to be a no. She looked heartbroken and I feel awful, and I’ve already kept her waiting a full day- should I just say yes and try it out? Please reply soon, Adora._

The response comes the same day, significantly faster than they ever email, and Adora is relieved to see it in her inbox.

_Hey Adora. I don’t normally respond this fast, but it seemed kind of urgent so here goes: I think you should say no. I mean, say yes if you want to and are into her, obviously, but I don’t think you are, and building a relationship off of obligation and guesswork doesn’t seem like a good idea. Besides, you’ve got some stuff to figure out still: have you even told any of them about Shadow or your assault? I barely know anything about either, at this point, and I worry about it. A lot. Let people help you. – Catra_

Adora ends things with Huntara the same day. The older girl promises they’ll stay friends, but Adora can see the hurt look in her eye and knows it’s unlikely- she wonders why she doesn’t feel affected by the loss of a partner.

The idea of losing her friend does hurt more than she thought it would, but she’ll follow Huntara’s lead through the aftermath- she owes her that much, even when she stops calling and doesn’t respond to Adora’s texts.

_Hey Catra! I said no to Huntara and now she’s not talking to me. I know you said it wasn’t my fault, that I was clear about boundaries before we started sleeping together and she shouldn’t’ve gotten her hopes up, but I still feel awful. And I haven’t told anyone anything about my mom or the assault, beyond what people guessed. So I guess I’ll tell you- apologies for the long email. A few years ago, I went on vacation with Bow and Glimmer and was walking alone and this guy came up to me. He pushed me against a wall and groped me, pretty roughly, and I was just really scared. I think I first started sleeping around at school because he called me pretty and I wanted more people to think I was pretty, which in retrospect is really stupid, but it felt good at the time? And stuff with Shadow got real bad for a while. I thought she was going to kill me, and I’ve run far and fast as a result. Disappeared for a whole summer, I’m sure you’ve heard. Sometimes people are just bad and that’s all there is to it. That’s it, I guess. Let me know what you’re thinking, Adora._

This time Catra takes almost two weeks to respond and Adora waits anxiously.

_Hey Adora. That all seems like shit. I’m really sorry. Glad you’re okay now. And however you deal with trauma is up to you, no bad responses. Sounds like the sex thing isn’t really as toxic now, so that’s good. Sorry for taking so long to respond- I wasn’t exactly sure what the right thing to say was, for a bit, but I decided it doesn’t matter. You’re amazing. – Catra_

Adora has held onto this pain – this deep, festering wound that’s been influencing her for years now – without ever voicing it, and her friend’s non-judgmental show of support means the world to her. Her recovery isn’t reliant on another person, it’s her own victory that she’s fought hard for; but regardless, the support of a friend like Catra is monumental in the ongoing battle.

They haven’t seen each other in years, have had time to grow on their own and become their own people outside the codependent duo they once were as kids, but Adora has bared her soul to Catra and found acceptance.

Adora feels like if two people were ever made for each other, it’d be the two of them.

_Hey Catra! Summer’s over, schools starting again, so I’m sure our responses will be a bit slower moving forward- I just wanted to say I really appreciate these emails. Getting to vent about all this has really helped- and I know I haven’t mentioned it in a bit, but I think I’m…not broken, for lack of a better term. More specifically, pansexual and aromantic. Getting to talk to you about it made me comfortable bringing it up with two good friends of mine – Nettie and Ella, I’ve probably mentioned them both and one’s in our old group chat – and they helped me find some good labels. They mentioned the term “queer-platonic relationships” to me, I think that’s what I feel for a lot of my friends. I’m looking forward to this new year excitedly for the first time in a while. With love, Adora._

\-------

It's been a long time since Adora’s let herself believe that something could be good, and her optimistic faith in the world is short-lived.

She makes it two months into the school year – partway through November, just around Thanksgiving, when fall break is starting and she goes back to where Mermista’s family home is, where she went to high school – when she gets the news.

It’s a call from an unknown number that she answers on accident, and she feels herself freeze in place – not just physically, but mentally and emotionally, she becomes stuck – as the hospital receptionist tells her that they’re trying to get in contact with an Adora Weaver, because her mother, Samantha Weaver, was just admitted.

The receptionist tells her she should try to come in soon, and Adora leaves quietly without telling Mermista that she’ll be going.

She feels out of sorts as she walks through the hospital lobby, feels trapped in her head while her body acts of its own volition, finding her mother’s room.

Her mother has always been larger than life, following her barely a step behind, in the back of her mind even when her presence is lacking; she is the Shadow that has chased Adora so far that she became so tired she thought – she wanted – to die, made her run and abandon everyone and everything.

Seeing her sunken in a hospital bed, a heart monitor and needles and pumps attached to her, Adora feels furiously uncomfortable.

A nurse comes in, sees Adora staring at her unconscious mother, and picks up Shadow’s chart, then quietly guides her out of the room.

Adora stares blankly at the floor while the nurse tells her that her mother has been battling terminal cancer for the majority of the past year, and it’s finally reaching its final days: her mother will be gone within the week.

They called her on her mother’s request and Adora doesn’t know what to think- she hadn’t thought Shadow would ever want to see her again.

She waits outside the room, sitting on the same plastic chair the nurse had grabbed for her, until she hears her mother’s voice calling for her. She takes a moment outside, staying seated, wanting to be alone – and she is, for she’s left her friends behind without a word and doesn’t have her phone with her and no one knows where she is – then joins her mother.

Shadow berates her, tells her she looks like crap and that she should do better, and Adora takes it easily. Her mother tells her she’s angry that Adora just left her for so long, that she doesn’t want to see her, even as she’s dying, because Adora has made it clear that she doesn’t care, and Adora feels something inside her break a little.

Because her mother isn’t wrong- Adora cut and run years ago, has done her best to not even look back, and she realizes that it was bad to leave her mother behind like this.

In her head, she remembers the abuse and fear she felt, but when she sees how frail her mother looks in her bed, Adora can only see herself as the monster: how could she leave her mother behind like this, how could she have let this happen?

Adora falls on Shadow’s bedside and sobs, apologizing brokenly and begging forgiveness. Her mother doesn’t forgive her, but tells her to stay anyway.

There was a time that Adora had convinced herself she didn’t need anything from Shadow, that what her mother had done to her meant that Adora was owed the apology, but that all falls away once she’s actually faced with the woman. Adora knows deep down her mother is right: she’s never been the good person she wanted to be, and that it’s far too late for anyone to ever love her.

That day when Shadow had thrown her around their home, their kitchen, Adora wishes she had finished the job, because now she’s just so very tired.

Her last words to Adora are that she wishes she could’ve had a better daughter.

\-------

Her mother dies and Adora leaves, not for the first time.

She goes into Mermista’s house when she knows the other girl will be out, to grab her phone and a bag full of clothes. She sees Seahawk on her way out, for the first time in nearly two weeks, and she can tell he was already expecting it. He hands her a bag of food, some basic non-perishables that are high in vitamins and calories, and makes her promise to, at the very least, text him that she’s alright.

He kisses her goodbye but doesn’t ask her to stay and it’s all Adora can do to not cry- she should have known that even her closest friends wouldn’t fight for her.

She knows that’s unfair, he and Mermista were probably expecting her to disappear for a month, tops, then return to school- no one could have predicted that they wouldn’t see Adora again for another seven years.

It doesn’t stop her from thinking it though.

At the end of the day, Adora knows she is her mother’s daughter, and she doesn’t know how to love someone right- she won’t be another obligation. She’s going to set them free from having to deal with her.

This isn’t the first time she’s run, and this time going to run too far for them to try and catch her.

\-------

As much as Adora has felt alone in the past few years, it’s been a long-time since she was this physically isolated and it’s terrifying.

It’s just her and her thoughts – and her mother’s last words, pounding in her head – and Adora jumps on a bus, letting it drive her through the night until she finds a town she likes the look of and gets off.

It reminds her of the summer she spent with Madame Razz and Mara, but it’s different enough that she feels comfortable for a while, organizing what’s left of her life.

She contacts PAU, explains that she had a family emergency and would like to take classes online moving forward for the foreseeable future, and sets to work finishing her degree. Now that she’s saving a fortune on room and board, Adora is able to choose extra classes that she’s interested in – she keeps going with psych, political science, and Spanish, but is able to take a few special interest classes in environmental science and Latin.

Although she’s saving money on not living on campus, Adora still needs some way to earn cash to maintain her savings, so she gets a job at the local library – it reminds her of Mara and helps force her to study constantly – and works as a waitress for night shifts at the local bar.

It’s tiring and grueling, absolutely exhausting, but Adora forces herself through it: there’s a light at the end of the tunnel and she’s determined to complete the goal in sight.

Just like the summer before her senior year, she manages to stay so busy that she can justify not answering anyone’s emails: she doesn’t even let herself check them.

Her email inbox and phone notifications continue to blow up as the year goes on, not really slowing down, and Adora trashes her phone and opens a new email account: it’ll be easier this way, if she’s not constantly bombarded by reminders of the people who cared about her.

Because online school allows her to move at her own pace, Adora manages to finish everything in just two years, receiving a diploma in the mail that confirms her double major in Psychology and Political Science, and double minor in Spanish and Environmental Studies.

She had managed to make a presence for herself in this small town over that time, too – over two years, it was hard not to – but she puts in her two weeks at the library and restaurant and leaves without really saying goodbye.

Adora’s 22 now, and it’s time to move on once more.

\-------

She doesn’t really have any character witnesses to list, but her employment and volunteer records are enough to get her accepted into the Peace Corps.

She gets set up overseas and spends two years traveling, working in environmental education. She goes to small communities, helps them create affordable infrastructure to be more sustainable, and helps give them tools to move forward in an eco-friendly way.

It’s the most fulfilled she’s felt in a long while – similar to the times she and Perfuma would spend volunteering for green organizations and garden together – and Adora signs up for a second time, dedicating herself to two more years of this.

Adora doesn’t have a lot of independent self-worth – her mom made sure of that – but if she can use her resources, use her degree to help other people, then she has to do it.

This time, due to her years of experience with the Peace Corps and actually having people to attest that she’s good at what she does, Adora is able to become more of a leader in the environmental services they provide- to no one’s shock but her own, she’s quite good at it.

She continues moving up through the leadership during her second year of working, until one of her superiors takes her aside and tells her she can go further than what they have left to provide. He sets her up with a few numbers of prominent political figures in the environmental protection community, some important contacts to start building relationships with, and when she completes her fourth year of service, she’s ready to make a transition into politics.

\-------

Adora’s 27 when she runs into Glimmer at a political fundraiser – her old friend is dressed to the nines in a sparkly gown and rhinestone flats, while she herself wears a colorful pantsuit – and Adora realizes she has no idea what to say to any of her old friends.

She really did walk out on them, abandon them all after all they did to try and help her, and now that she’s faced with it, she feels an overwhelming sense of guilt and regret.

She schmoozes her way through the interaction, glosses over what she spent the last six years doing, and wonders how long her friends kept trying to contact her.

The rest of the night passes in a haze – she runs into Angella, Glimmer’s mother, manages to get her number and contact information which will be a huge step forward for her interest group – and the first thing she does when she gets home is open up her laptop and find her old email.

There are hundreds of emails – it looks like a ton of people contacted her regularly for about a month, then only people like Mermista and Seahawk, Netossa and Spinnerella, Perfuma kept emailing her after that – and Adora feels her heart break a little over what she did to them.

Even more painful is seeing Catra continuing to send semi-regular emails, roughly three times a year just like they used to, each one blatantly ignoring the fact that Adora hasn’t been responding.

Adora spends the whole night sending emails to these people who are responsible for her survival, that she owes the world to, and manages to set up meetings amidst her busy schedule with each of them.

She makes her way to everyone when she gets the chance, spends a few nights with Netossa and Spinnerella – still together, thank god – and Perfuma to catch up with them. They’re nice to her, don’t seem to blame her for disappearing so long, and it’s easy to pick things up where they left off.

Mermista and Seahawk, on the other hand, seem entirely angry with her. Mermista rages about how Adora just walked out on them, how they thought she could’ve dead for years, and Adora doesn’t say anything in response- she knows they’re right to be upset.

She’s worried that she won’t be able to make amends, that she won’t be able to reforge the close bond they’d once shared, when Seahawk bursts into tears and tells her how much they’ve missed her.

That confession opens the floodgates and Adora starts crying too, and they manage to fall back into a comfortable pattern, spending the rest of the week joined at the hip and figuring out what they’ve all missed. She thinks she sees Mermista cry too a little bit, but the other girl glares and says it’s just a trick of the light.

It’s on that high note that she reaches out to Madame Razz and Mara, hoping they’ll remember her- she wants to tell them that their town was way better than the other she’d stayed at, and that she’d like to visit soon.

Only Madame Razz answers, her voice as brash and unapologetic as ever, and she tells Adora she’d better get there to say hi in person- apparently, there’s something she’d like to share that she can only do face to face.

Adora arrives, slowly making her way through the ever-familiar scenery, when she stops at the library and sees a large CLOSED sign and boards up over the windows.

With a sinking feeling in her gut, she runs to Madame Razz’s place and finds the old woman waiting for her, tears in her eyes. She tells Adora that Mara passed just a year before and that they had tried to contact Adora again, but they didn’t know her number.

It’s like a punch to the gut and Adora feels trapped under the weight of her loss – she hadn’t been there for her own mother while she had been sick, and now she’s let down another maternal figure – and she sobs, leaning on Madame Razz for support.

Adora’s run twice now and she hadn’t really appreciated how much she lost each time till now: she’s lost Mara for good, and she’ll probably never get to see people like Bow or Huntara ever again.

She won’t take anyone she loves for granted again.

This time when she leaves, she promises that she’ll start her weekly phone calls again and will visit in-person when she can. It doesn’t make up for anything, but she can at least try to be here for the woman now.

\-------

She still hasn’t reached out to Catra, so she shoots off a quick email - _Hey Catra! Guess who’s back?_ – before continuing to bury herself in politics.

Double Trouble, her old roommate, has made a name for herself as a corporate lobbyist. She’s currently employed by a big oil company and it disgusts Adora, but they still meet up to reminisce and end up restarting their friends-with-benefits relationship.

They’re both pretty opposed to the other’s life choices, but it seems to work just like it had in college because neither needs any kind of real attachment to sleep with someone- Adora almost prefers it that way, sleeping with an acquaintance as opposed to countless traitors.

It’s been a long time since she had hated herself for her sexuality, had thought that there was something wrong with her for it; she’s finally understood that being pansexual and aromantic is okay, no matter the negative circumstances that helped her find it.

Adora is invited to speak at the United Nations Energy Conference, just a year later, and her friends all get together to congratulate her on the career milestone.

Scorpia’s at the party and studiously avoids Adora beyond some passing niceties, but the unspoken anger is still prominent from her.

Catra hasn’t responded since the last email and Adora feels awful, but she has no idea what to do about the space between them.

It’s her own fault, of course, because she just left her friend behind without a word and even now can’t regret it, because it allowed her to find herself independent of her mother, but that doesn’t negate the harm she did to one of the best people she knows.

Despite this, Adora keeps treading water in her personal life while making major headway career-wise- she’s well-known as an environmental advocate now and has been invited back to speak at the UN multiple times, and major US political figures have been contacting her for endorsements on their own climate protection platforms.

She’s doing good and it doesn’t make up for the bad things she’s done, but she’s done her best to make up for her wrong doing – has managed to fix things with almost all her old friends – and she realizes that it’s okay to have a failed relationship in her life, even if it’s with someone as vital as Catra.

She still has a close friendship with Mermista and Seahawk – she stays with them when she’s in town and has partnered with them on marine biology-based environmental advocation – as well as Netossa and Spinnerella – who similarly have offered to host her when she’s in the area. Perfuma and her partner regularly, with Perfuma often heading physical volunteer work, like developing community gardens and cleaning up pollution, while Adora works on getting financial and political support on local and state levels for these efforts.

Adora moves on and keeps moving up and she’s so much better than she ever thought she could be.

\-------

They meet again when they’re older – they’re both in their thirties, not even truly old in the grand scheme of things, but there’s nearly two decades of combined aging between the two of them and suddenly Adora is struck by the gaping chasm of time between them, the difference that years have made – and she wonders how they could have ever once been so naïve as to make promises to one another.

_Don’t leave me behind_ ; they had once asked, but she had done it regardless and it was far too late to go back now.

Adora stares at her old friend, sees how time has started to wear faint laugh lines around her eyes, changed her clothes from ragged shorts to something business-ready – which shouldn’t mean anything, she knows it doesn’t, but her friend looks professional and it’s so incredibly jarring to witness – and it hurts all the more when she realizes she herself has changed too.

There’s a lot of love between them still, the same kindred spirits that had once seemed so irreparably bound together, and they go out to grab a coffee together. They catch up; there’s so much Adora doesn’t know.

They hadn’t waited for one another, but that was never a fair request to make.

Instead, it’s about the choices they make now: and Adora will choose to fight for Catra.

**Author's Note:**

> okay, so, if you've gotten to the end of this, please feel free to leave a comment/kudos - it really means a lot
> 
> this fic is kind of personal to me, because it deals with some stuff that i've gone through in my life; even if adora dealt with it in different ways -- the sexual assault, coming out difficulties, and emotional abuse are all based on my own experiences; so hopefully i portrayed that alright
> 
> let me know what you think of this! i spent days on it, did my best with how i portrayed all these characters, and it's the longest one-shot i've written, so i'm excited to hear feedback on what people think :)
> 
> thank you so much for reading!


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